..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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