I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
