Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
