You're so nebulous sometimes
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
