Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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