I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
