its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need to sanitize my soul.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
