Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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