My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
