I seem to have left my pride at pride
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
