i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
