Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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