Sponge bath it is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
