He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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