if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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