So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
