i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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