Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
