i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
