just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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