"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
