I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
