Only a mothe r could love this liver
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
