with your own penis?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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