So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
