CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had sex on a roof
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
