I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
