It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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