Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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