So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
