My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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