I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
