So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
