I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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