you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is Oprah even human
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
