I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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