so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
