I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
