i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
