You can't motorboat a personality
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
