is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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