Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
