I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
not ubering you a puppy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
