I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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