you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
