You just made me feel so damn special
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
the liver wants what the liver wants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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