Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
