cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
