I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
