You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
