Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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