im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
