dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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