i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
